The Bodyguard 2: Crazy In Love

Dear Mr. Costner,

We know you're not too fond of sequels but seeing as you've already hinted at the possibility of making a sequel to your recent serial killer thriller, Mr. Brooks, we here at "If I Blog It They Will Come" thought we'd suggest another sequel project. How does The Bodyguard 2 hit you?

Think about it, Frank Farmer, retired from the bodyguard business has been out of the game for 15 years, happily married to Rachel Marron (Whitney Houston) when he suddenly and tragically loses his wife in a boating accident. He blames himself for not being able to protect her from the brick wall she crashed her speedboat into.

To deal with the loss he grieves the only way he knows how, by getting back to work. Frank is hired by a young pop star portrayed by Beyonce Knowles, who's heard that Frank is "the best" and that's just what she needs after receiving many a death threat. Frank attacks the job with the same vigor as he did when protecting Rachel and despite initially butting heads with the young pop star a bond develops as he protects her from her throngs of rabid fanatics. Frank is caught up in his work but soon has a bit of a relapse when realizing how much the situation reminds him of the first movie. He begins to miss Whitney Houston and decides to take a leave of absence. However, Beyonce's character knows how much she needs him and soon has a heart to heart with Frank inspiring him to stay and be her bodyguard. Sparks inevitably fly, putting Frank on the path to new romance with the budding songstress.

That's as much of the treatment as we have so far but we're assuming that Frank Farmer's character eventually saves her life from a would be assassin and they almost make love but it's too soon for Frank and they're only left to wonder what could have been.

Mr. Costner, there has never been a better time to put this baby in motion. We are aware that there is a potential Writer's Guild strike on the horizon that could bring movie production to a grinding halt next year, so what better way to keep you working than to get moving on this potential hit? Perhaps you should go down to the Beyoncé concert at the Pepsi Center in Denver, Colorado on August 22nd and pitch the idea to her before she gets locked up in another film role and you're forced to settle for Britney Spears. You'll also need a new remake of a Dolly Parton song (ala "I Will Always Love You") to inspire the hit soundtrack. May we suggest that Ms. Knowles cover "9-5"?

As time is of the essence, we will be glad to turn out pitch into a finished screenplay. We're no William Goldman, but we feel we're up to the task. We work cheap, too. In lieu of monetary payment all we will ask is that you send us a photo of yourself looking at our blog to djayek@yahoo.com. We here "If I Blog It They Will Come" are very excited about this project, and think The Body Guard 2: Crazy In Love will be a smash hit.

Thanks for your time and consideration. We look forward to hearing from you soon.

Sincerely,
The Ones Who Will Always Love You at "If I Blog It They Will Come"


Special thanks to Chrissy Schimmel

The Summer Of Costner

Dear Mr. Costner,

While the Summer of 1967 will always be remembered as the Summer of Love, 2007 is quickly shaping up to be the Summer of Costner. We here at "If I Blog It They Will Come" have had trouble keeping up with all of the press you've been getting. We imagine your publicist is working overtime and he or she is certainly doing an outstanding job.

The Summer (although technically Spring we like to lump all the warm months in together)began with the birth of Cayden Wyatt Costner, followed immediately by the announcement of Swing Vote as your next project. Summer kept a rolllin' on as you and Modern West rocked in Greenville, followed soon after by the release of Mr. Brooks. Not intent to rest on your laurels, just last week you announced your plans for The Explorers Club, an animated series of Webisodes that would be expanded into a live action feature length. Just when we thought the onslaught of Costner news couldn't continue at it's current clip we came across the article announcing your fellow Swing Vote Castmates in Variety this morning. Needless to say, you've assembled quite the ensemble.

The one thing that worries us about the frenetic pace of your career is that now that you seem to be reaching a new creative peak we're positively frightened that you'll have no time for our little blog which we've spent countless hours preparing all for the sole purpose of getting you to send a photo of yourself looking at our blog to djayek@yahoo.com. Don't get us wrong we'd love to be continually entertained by a neverending cavalcade of Costnertainment and we can keep this up as long as you'll make us but with all of the great work you're doing, you don't seem to be giving yourself enough free time to provide us with a light at the end of the tunnel. That being said, we'll probably never want for material as long as you're busy. So I guess there's an upside to all of this. Anyway, we've said our piece. Let the summer of Costner roll on and we here at "If I Blog It They Will Come" will continue to bask in it's warmth.

Thanks for your time and considerations. We look forward to hearing from you soon.

Sincerely,
The Tan folks at "If I Blog It They Will Come"

Mr. Brooks...The Game

Dear Mr. Costner,

We're sorry. We didn't mean to be so neglectful of this site over the past week. The fact of the matter is that we here at "If I Blog It They Will Come" are in the midst of moving our home office to a space more suitable for attaining our ultimate goal. Our present location is an 11 x 11 windowless enclosure with shag carpeting and paper thin walls that leaves the little to the imagination when it comes to the activities of our neighbors and to be honest, the shag carpeting absorbs good ideas instead of allowing them to bounce off the floor and into our brains.

We don't know what the Tig Productions offices look like but we're sure they're more expansive than our current home. That being said our new digs boast hardwood floors (ideal for bouncing ideas off of and sliding in our socks) and a 15 x 15 space perfect for pacing back and forth. We might even have enough room to dedicate some of our office space to having a competitive Nintendo Wii Tennis center. Unfortunately, we have no Wii. All of the stores near us are out of the gaming console.

The most disappointing part about that is we probably won't be able to play the Mr. Brooks game when it comes out, but maybe when it finally does Wii here at "If I Blog It They Will Come" can convince Nintendo to send us a console so Wii can review it. Now, Wii know there aren't any official plans for a Mr. Brooks video game yet, but as we sat here in our red shag carpet (metaphorical) prison cell over the past week, waiting for you to send a photo of yourself looking at our blog to djayek@yahoo.com, we were thinking of ways to increase the Kevin Costner brand's visibility. Think about how much fun a Mr. Brooks game would be...players can choose to be either Mr. Brooks, his daughter Jane Brooks, or William Hurt's character Marshall and you can go around trying to decide who to kill. Best of all you can play with or without Mr. Smith in the car. We'd pick without him of course, but you already know how we feel about Mr. Smith. So what do you think, Mr. Costner? Is the idea of a Mr. Brooks game feasible? We know it's violent but not any more violent than Grand Theft Auto or that game that was just banned in Britain...plus it's based on a movie and there's an ever increasing market for games based on movies. If not a Mr. Brooks game, you can just make Crash Davis' Minor League Baseball. Either way...we're buying it.

Mr. Costner, we hope you take our suggestions into consideration as we most certainly have your best interests at heart. Thank you for your time. We look forward to hearing from you soon.

Sincerely,
The Gaming Enthusiasts at "If I Blog It They Will Come"

We Won't Back Down

Dear Mr. Costner,

You may have noticed that we here at "If I Blog It They Will Come" went dark after our Mr. Brooks review post. Maybe you thought we were "backing down" from our quest of getting you to visit our blog and take a photo of yourself doing so and sending it to us at djayek@yahoo.com. That is not so. We like to take further inspiration from a character in your film The Postman. No, the character in question it's not The Postman, who so admirably held a nation together by delivering old letters...The character in question is Tom Petty, who as far as we can tell played Tom Petty in the movie.

Tom Petty once said, "You can stand me up at the gates of hell, but I won't back down" (sure he also sang a song called "Time To Move On" but we have a selective memory). Mr. Costner, we've seen those gates of hell and to be honest, we weren't impressed. It's nothing compared to our own personal hell of not receiving final acknowledgement of our faithful struggle. After all, we know what's right, we got just one life, in a world that keeps on pushin' us around we will stand our ground.

Hey Kevin...There ain't no easy way out...This blog will stand it's ground until you finally come through. We have faith that you will because hey, "even the losers get lucky sometimes". Thanks for your time and consideration. We look forward to hearing from you soon.

Sincerely,
The Potentially Heartbroken Folks at "If I Blog It They Will Come"

Happy Mr. Brooks Day

Dear Mr. Costner,

Although we here at "If I Blog It They Will Come" have been kicking our feet up and catching some rays this week; we have not forgotten what today is. Just in case you've forgotten (and we're sure you haven't) it's Mr. Brooks day! Today your latest film debuts at theaters all across the country, and is destined to break box office records. Though it would be uncouth for us to quote a definitive final gross number, we will prognosticate conservatively and predict that your movie will go on to beat Titanic as the highest grossing film of all time.

Thanks to the good folks at Moviefone we already have our tickets reserved for a Friday evening show at 9pm. As Mr. Brooks is, to us at least, the most anticipated film since The Phantom Menace, our minds are already racing with thoughts of what it will be like to witness for the first time the next Costner masterwork. Will this startling depiction of psychological horror frighten us so much that we might spit out a stray Goober into some lady's perm 5 rows in front of us? It's entirely possible, as we expect your performance to keep us on the edge of our seats, and because we really like Goobers.

While our wait to see our favorite actor tackle his meatiest role yet has come to an end, that doesn't mean the wait for you to respond to our request to send a photo of yourself looking at our blog to djayek@yahoo.com has become any less important to us. If we've got to champion our cause until Swing Vote comes out then so be it...we're a lean, mean, summer vacationing, blogging machine...and this machine won't run out of fuel until we see that e-mail, Mr. C. Thanks for your time and consideration. We look forward to hearing from you soon.

Sincerely,
The Ticket-holding Folks at "If I Blog It They Will Come"

P.S. We are aware that you and William Hurt are playing separate psychological incarnations of the same character in Mr. Brooks. Though we think of him as a fine actor, it's best we clarify that a picture of Mr. Hurt in front of a computer checking out our blog will not be sufficient for our purposes.

Summer Hours

Dear Mr. Costner,

We trust you had an excellent memorial day basking in the warming glow of the sun. You were probably too busy to notice that we took the holiday off. We here at “If I Blog It They Will Come” just had to enjoy the first unofficial day of summer and while we were busy firing up the grill and munching on burgers and dogs we came to the realization that we absolutely love the summer. So in all of our infinite wisdom we here at "If I Blog It They Will Come", in the spirit of enjoying the warmest season of the year, have decided to switch to summer hours.

We're not giving up on our quest. We've just decided to scale back our efforts for the summer. It's our way of saying, "Man, it's hot outside...maybe that's where we should be." So starting this week until September we're going to post between 1 and 3 times a week. It's not that we're lazy, it's just that we've been hard at work since January and we wanted to take this opportunity to stop and smell the roses while occassionally posting a few figurative roses on this here site throughout the week. Plus, just because we're taking it easy doesn't mean you can't find it in your heart to check us out and finally send a photo of yourself looking at our blog to djayek@yahoo.com. After all Mr. Costner, it may take two to tango, but it takes one person to send an email, unless you count the trillions of fiber optic gnomes that it takes to pass the message from one corner of the world to another. We're not counting them but we are counting on you to finally come through for us. Thanks for your time and consideration. We look forward to hearing from you soon.

Sincerely,
The Laid Back Dudes at "If I Blog It They Will Come"

p.s. Mr. Brooks is coming out this weekend...Who's excited?

The Official Home For Mr. Brooks

Dear Mr. Costner,

We here at 'If I Blog It They Will Come" have had a blast masquerading as the Official Unofficial Home of your upcoming film Mr. Brooks. With one week to go until the film's release there's little else we can do to ensure the film's surefire success other than the measures we've already taken (see the countdown widget in the upper right hand corner). However, we are aware that the folks at MGM spent a pretty penny sprucing up the official home for Mr. Brooks. We figured we'd throw them a bone by actually acknowledging the hard work they put into the promotion of the summer's most anticipated film.

While it's true their site isn't half as fun as ours, their cause is still a noble one and we support it. Actually we're only doing this because we couldn't find actual film clips on youtube apart from what we've already posted on this here site and the MGM site seems to be the only way to view actual scenes from the film. Either way, they did a bang up job and their site is far beyond anything we could graphically produce. Despite their merit as web designers, we are sure they do not have the heart and/or desire that we here at "If I Blog It They Will Come" have. How do we know that? Well it's simple...in a year or two, after Mr. Brooks finally has to be forcibly removed from theatres after breaking all of the box office records, we will still be here, lobbying for you to come to visit our blog and send a photo of yourself looking at said blog to djayek@yahoo.com...that is unless you decide to comply before you've shattered all box office expectations. The MGM site will probably only be up for a few months then the web designers will move on to their next film promotion project (Swing Vote?).

We here at "If I Blog It They Will Come" remain steadfastly dedicated to our cause. Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed rounds. We'll keep fighting the good fight until you see fit to reward us with a photo of yourself looking at our blog. It's already been a long battle but we've gotten comfortable in the trenches. Thanks for your time and consideration. We look forwards to hearing from you soon.

Sincerely,
The Folks at "If I Blog It They Will Come"

p.s. Happy Memorial Day weekend....we'll be back on Tuesday.

Mr. Brooks Music Video

Dear Mr.Costner,

In our ongoing effort to get you to send a photo of yourself looking at our blog to djayek@yahoo.com we seem to have neglected our duties as the Official Unofficial Home for your upcoming film, Mr. Brooks, at least for this week anyway. We here it at "If I Blog It They Will Come" thought we'd remedy the situation by further assisting with promotion of Mr. Brooks which hits theaters on June 1st (We can hardly wait!). Today as the Official Unofficial Home of Mr. Brooks we are posting this Mr. Brooks Music Video for your fans to enjoy. We got it off of youtube but that doesn't mean we didn't nurture it with tender loving care.
In any case, we hope your fans enjoy this post and we hope every day you are getting closer and closer to actually considering sending us a photo of yourself looking at our blog. We'll be checking our inbox at djayek@yahoo.com for when you finally decide to comply. Thank for your time and consideration. We hope to hear from you soon. Without further ado, the Mr. Brooks Music Video featuring the song "Vicious Tradition" by The Veils.

Sincerely,
The Folks at "If I Blog It They Will Come"

The Pre-Touchables

Dear Mr. Costner,

We came across an interesting article today from the Melbourne Herald Sun about a possible prequel to the 1987 Brian De Palma masterpiece, The Untouchables, in which you portrayed revered Chicago Mob-buster Eliot Ness to De Niro's Al Capone and who could forget Sean Connery's Oscar-worthy turn as Jimmy Malone. That business aside, all of this talk of prequels has us wondering, since you've recently softened your stance on sequels with regards to the possibility of making multiple Mr. Brooks films, what say you to a prequel?

Surely, if Mr. De Palma were to need you to refill those old Ness knickers you'd be able to pass for a younger Eliot Ness. We here at "If I Blog It They Will Come" don't think you look a day over 29. Word is they're talking to Nicolas Cage for either the Jimmy Malone or Al Capone part and you certainly look younger and act better than that guy.

Even if Eliot Ness isn't needed for the new Untouchables, we think you should consider some other prequels. Think about it...Pre-Waterworld: The story of The Mariner As A Tadpole (Pixar Animation with you doing the voice over) or for the Prequel to Rumor Has It you could just remake The Graduate. It would be great. We here at "If I Blog It They Will Come" seriously think you should mull it over. Though we understand that you, as an actor, might be against playing one of those same old roles. So if you feel like you shouldn't consider it, feel free to consider something else such as sending a photo of yourself looking at our blog to djayek@yahoo.com. Thanks for your time and consideration. We look forwarded to hearing from you soon.

Sincerely,
The Folks at "If I Blog It They Will Come"

Countdown to Mr. Brooks

Dear Mr. Costner,

We here at "If I Blog It They Will Come" would like to apologize. We got so wrapped up in the news of your new bundle of joy and the announcement of your new project, Swing Vote that we forgot to fill our daily duties as the official unofficial home for your upcoming film Mr. Brooks. We've been seeing commercials for it all over the TV this week and our anticipation level is as high as ever. In order to remedy our lack of attention and aid you in building up the anticipation for this sure fire summer smash, we've posted a brand spankin' new Countdown to Mr. Brooks feature in the upper right hand corner of our blog. Hopefully our widget will play a big part in building up excitement towards your new release, though we're sure a banner ad might do a better job. Anyway, we hope you accept our heartfelt apology and accept our Countdown widget as a token of promotion. We here at "If I Blog It They Will Come", however, cannot be at peace until we know that you've accepted our apology. If you do in fact accept our attempt to make amends, please feel free to let us know by sending us a photo of yourself looking at our blog to djayek@yahoo.com. Only then can we be sure we've received your forgiveness. Thank you for your time and consideration. We look forward to hearing from you soon.

Apologetically,
The Folks at "If I Blog It They Will Come"

A Little Mr. Brooks Inside All Of Us

Dear Mr. Costner,

In the most recent issue of Time Magazine, Richard Corliss wrote an article about good actors portraying villains in this summer's most anticipated movies. To nobody's surprise your portrayal of Mr. Brooks was one of the characters mentioned. You described the title character as someone with an " addiction he's trying to keep under wrap" and that "in life, when we see somebody trying to beat something, we feel sympathy. There's humanity inside this hideousness."

We here at "If I Blog It They Will Come" can't help but feel that maybe there's a little Mr. Brooks inside all of us. We certainly have some connection to the character as you described him. Not in the way that we also feel like serial killers with alter egos played by an actor who starred alongside Geena Davis in The Accidental Tourist, but more so in that we have an addiction as well. Our compulsion is blogging every week day so that you might feel compelled to visit our blog. It is our hope that you are able see the humanity inside our "hideousness" that comes out in our incessant internet badgering, because the only way for us to "beat" this thing is for you to "feel sympathy" and send a photo at yourself looking at our blog to djayek@yahoo.com.

Addiction can be a brutal thing, Mr. Costner, but we're sure that through understanding and great care we can beat this thing...together. Thank you for your time and we look forward to hearing from you soon.

Sincerely,
The Folks at "If I Blog It They Will Come"

Re:Views

Dear Mr. Costner,

Since our inception in late January, We here at "If I Blog It They Will Come" have become involved with a vast network of film insiders. This morning one of those insiders alerted us that the first reviews for Mr. Brooks were up on a little site called Ain't It Cool News.

While we may be a little curious as to what the early consensus on your new film is, our personal view is that it ain't particularly cool to "spoil" ourselves for our next Costner cinematic feast. We have no issue with sites like AICN running early reviews, but their brand of notices often tend to reveal important plot points and twists. Since Mr. Brooks is being billed as a thriller, it would seem pretty stupid to learn about the twists and turns ahead of time. Also, let's face it, the guys who send in those spoiler reviews aren't professional critics -- just a bunch of losers who enjoy badmouthing the efforts of honest filmmakers. Remember when those dorks disparaged Waterworld? Those mommy-huggers were quick to brand it a "bomb" -- but the worldwide box office numbers certainly tell a different story. Heck, we saw that movie 4 times in theatres and to this day still consider it a classic. We have no desire to have our opinions dictated to us by a runny-nosed virgin unfit to carry Pauline Kael's jock.

The point is, Mr. Costner, we want to go into that movie theater on June 1st with a clear head and with as fresh pair of eyes so that we can decide for ourselves whether or not Mr. Brooks is a pantheon Kevin Costner film, anyone else's opinion be damned. Since we will have a great deal of free time on our hands not reading early reviews, why don't you send a photo of yourself looking at our blog to djayek@yahoo.com.

Sincerely,
The Spoiler Free folks at "If I Blog It They Will Come"

Special thanks to A. Morton

Your Mr. Brooks Banner Here

Dear Mr. Costner,

We're not sure if you've noticed this but above this post we have a banner for a film called Diggers starring Ken Marino (The State, Wet Hot American Summer), Maura Tierney (NewsRadio, ER), Lauren Ambrose (Six Feet Under), Paul Rudd (Anchorman, The 40 Year-Old Virgin) Ron Eldard (ER, The House of Sand and Fog) and directed by Amy Dieckman.

You might find this to be a blasphemous betrayal of the Costner-centric content of this website. However, we have to disagree. We here at "If I Blog It They Will Come" are staunch supporters of Independent Film who will jump at the chance to give promotion to anyone willing to send us a banner (and a free DVD of their movie). Unfortunately, the press people at MGM Studios or Tig Productions have yet to hook us up with a banner promoting Mr. Brooks which we would gladly feature above all other advertisements on our page seeing as we are the Official Unofficial Home of Mr. Brooks. In fact, we've left a little text marker where we'd like to put the banner promoting the June 1st release of Mr. Brooks. We know it's a little small but we don't have banner making capabilities and therefore can't simulate the size of the forthcoming Mr. Brooks banner on our blog. If we did it would be big and flashy.

In any case, that text marker will be there until we receive a proper banner from the folks in charge of promoting Mr. Brooks, though we'd like to think that's our job. We here at "If I Blog It They Will Come" are eagerly awaiting it's arrival as well as the arrival of a photo of you looking at our blog. You know where to send it (but in case you don't it's djayek@yahoo.com).
Thanks for your time and consideration.

Sincerely,
The Mr. Brooks Promotional team at "If I Blog It They Will Come"

Cooking Up A Script

Dear Mr. Costner,

We were once again perusing the internet for more news on our favorite actor when he happened upon an article on Entertainment Weekly's Popwatch Blog. In the article, your Mr. Brooks co-star Dane Cook, the King of Collegiate Comedy, gushes over your comic ability and mentions how he is writing a part for you in the script for his next comedic film entitled Ex Family. At "If I Blog It They Will Come" we've always been cognizant of your comedic ability. We've seen Fandango and Bull Durham. We know you're just about as down for a laugh as you are for a glorious gunfight.

Much like Dane Cook, we also have an idea for a Kevin Costner Script: It's about a famous actor who discovers there's a blog about him, but the blog knows everything he's going to do before he does it. No matter how hard he tries to avoid what happens it's completely useless. One day he discovers that the blog is being written by a psychic played by Bronson Pinchot, or maybe that he is living inside a fake social construct and that his life is constantly on television and the blog is being written by someone who's leaking information in the hopes of getting him to realize that he doesn't have to live in this pseudo Hollywood environment. At one point your character sends a photo of himself looking at the blog about himself to djayek@yahoo.com to alert the blog writer played by Kate Winslet that he's receiving her message loud and clear and wants her help to escape, but at the end he realizes that he loves his wife and family too much to leave and that the blogger is making everything up just to cause another conflict on the show and that there is no actual conflict as long as he is happy.

We know the idea is a bit confusing. It's sort of a mix between The Truman Show, Stranger Than Fiction and Second Sight. But these types of movies are all the rage these days and we're sure you would be great in it. We'll make you a deal: we will write this script for you, and all you have to do in return is send a photo of yourself looking at our blog to djayek@yahoo.com. Though we may not have been creative enough to come up with the "Super-Finger" we'd love the chance to prove to you our smarts. Thanks for your time and consideration.

Sincerely,
The Folks at "If I Blog It They Will Come"

The Big 5-0

Dear Mr. Costner,

We here at "If I Blog It They Will Come" are thrilled to celebrate our 50th post in our attempt to lure you to our blog so that you might send a photo of yourself looking at said blog to djayek@yahoo.com. It's truly been a harrowing experience. We figured that since we've lasted longer than many a FOX midseason replacement show (we're not sure if that show Drive has aired yet but we give it 2, maybe 3 episodes) that there's never been a better time to reminisce on all of the good times we've shared together, or alone since we're not really sure if you've ever seen our site.

If you are indeed reading this, now would be an opportune time to put on Lionel Richie's "Say You, Say Me" or even go back to our very 2nd post and take out your copy of the Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves Soundtrack and go to track 9, just before Jeff Lynne's "Wild Times", but after "The Abduction and the Final Battle at the Gallows" and please sing along at home to our version of Bryan Adams "(Everything I Do), I Do It For You" while we take you back in time to a simpler time where some kids were just starting out on their mission. Close your eyes...actually don't close your eyes because then you won't be able to read this.

Remember back on January 24th when the first post went up? We were just a bunch of crazy kids back then trying to get you to notice us. That all changed on January 29th when the folks at Defamer caught wind of our website. From that moment on "If I Blog It They Will Come" would never be the same. We had 2,000 hits that day and what we thought was a legitimate shot of getting you to our site. Why, we were almost certain we'd get a photo of you looking at our blog when an anonymous comment was left on our orignal post dated January 29th telling us to "start planning what celeb you want next". But alas, it was not to be. We had to keep posting and post on we did.

February was our first full month on the job and we didn't waste any time trying to suck you in. Who could forget that time we gave you a list of things that we wouldn't do to get you to send us your photo (rhetorical)? We certainly haven't. February also brought such memorable posts as our call for a Kevin Costner Presidential run, our belated observation of your birthday, your baby announcement, and of course PUPPIES! These were all good times...at least for us.

The train kept a rollin' on into March like a lion as we made ourselves the Offficial Unofficial home of your upcoming film Mr. Brooks and even shot a scene from a hypothetical upcoming film for you to star in. If that's not dedication then boycotting the NCAA Tourney because Cal St.-Fullerton didn't make it certainly is.

I guess what we're trying to say Mr. Costner is, that we've made it through 50 posts and remain steadfastly dedicated to our cause that is getting you to visit our blog and send in a photo of yourself doing so to djayek@yahoo.com. We'll do it for 50 more and even another 50 after that. We'd just rather we didn't have to. In any case, thank you for taking the time to view our humble site with a very simple goal. We look forward to hearing from you soon.

Sincerely,
The Folks at "If I Blog It They Will Come"

The New Kevin Costner.com?

Dear Mr. Costner,

The folks here at "If I Blog It, They Will Come" have been repeatedly checking KevinCostner.com for updates regarding your career for quite sometime. Much to our chagrin we were continually met by a neglected site that hadn't been updated since 2004. Our news fix had to be sated through daily perusals of sites like IMDB.com and Google's Blogsearch. We realize that you're a busy man and don't necessarily have time to get around to Internet upkeep. You could imagine our surprise when we surfed on over there this morning and found a Mr. Brooks poster logo and a message that the site was under construction. We were quite excited, yet a little disappointed that there wasn't any juicy new information.

So we've decided to make you a deal. We'll take over as your official webmaster for Kevin Costner.com. We're already the official unofficial site for Mr. Brooks and we're already updating every day. Our fans are your fans. We've even got comments from some die hard Costner fans telling us we've gotten them excited for June 1st or "Mr. Brooks Day" (Here's looking at you, Sandy). In exchange for our services, the only payment we will require is for you send us a photo of yourself looking at our blog to djayek@yahoo.com (we can even reuse the photo as the banner for the new Kevin Costner.com).

What say you, Mr. Costner? Sounds like a pretty good deal to us. We hope it sounds like a good deal to you. Thanks for your time and consideration. We are looking forward to hearing from you soon. Have a good weekend and we hope your March goes out like a lamb.

Sincerely,
The kind folks at "If I Blog It They Will Come"

Special Thanks to A.Morton

Mr. Brooks Movie Poster

Dear Mr. Costner,

As we get closer to the release of Mr. Brooks there seems to be more information pouring out about the film. As the Official Unofficial Home of Mr. Brooks we here at "If I Blog It They Will Come" feel it's our duty to report whatever new information comes to light on your upcoming cinematic contribution. While we're certainly having fun searching for any news we can find, we feel that both of our interests would be better served if you would send us an email alerting us to any upcoming details along with a photo of yourself looking at our blog to djayek@yahoo.com

That way we can keep your loyal public better informed as to any breaking developments before those pesky gossip sites break the story. You don't have to email us personally. You can get your publicist to do so. We're not that picky.

In any case...our breaking news today, that we found through another site but wish we were the first to break, is the following:

THE OFFICIAL MR. BROOKS POSTER HAS BEEN RELEASED.

Mr. Costner, We here at "If I Blog It They Will Come" absolutely love the poster. In fact we can't stop raving about it. It will no doubt lure anyone who's been on the fence about seeing this movie to the theatre on June 1st. We're sure of it. Alright, that's all we've got for today. Thanks for your time and consideration. We look forward to hearing from you soon on our latest proposal.

Sincerely,

Costner Conspiracy Theory

Dear Mr. Costner,

We're not sure if you're aware of this (and how could you be?), but yesterday's post was written from the distracting confines of our local coffee shop. After our post on Monday, it seems the Internet and Cable provided to the offices of "If I Blog It They Will Come" by the corporate behemoth AOL-Time Warner were experiencing "Technical Difficulties". When we put our heads together we could only think of one explanation for these world wide troubles we were having...CONSPIRACY!!! Yes sir, Mr. Costner, we sniffed out a conspiracy on par with the one in the 1987 film No Way Out, where Gene Hackman's character blames Sean Young's murder on her mystery lover which just so happens to be your character Lt. Cmdr Tom Farrell, when it was Hackman's character himself who carried out the deed all along. Ok, maybe so it's not on par with a governmental conspiracy, but we were convinced it ran up to the highest levels of the AOL Time Warner Corporation.

You see Mr. Costner, it was our theory that once we declared on Monday that we would make Mr. Brooks the highest grossing Kevin Costner opening weekend ever when it is released by MGM on June 1st, the folks at Time Warner would do anything to stop it as they would undoubtedly have a movie coming out the same weekend that they were hoping would take the box office honors. The only way they could possibly hinder our juggernaut was by cutting our Internet service. Lucky for us, we figured out a way around it by heading to the local hipster coffee haunt, a wholly unpleasant experience. There was horrible music blasting and people were talking so loud that we could hardly hear ourselves think.

However, we got our post done and the folks at Time Warner must've realized they'd been defeated because when we returned to our office the Internet was back on and our cable was working. In admission of they're own defeat they had even added Field of Dreams to HBO ondemand for the week.

As you well know, Mr. Costner, victory is sweet and though we take a lot of pride in defeating global supercorporations there is still only one thing and one thing only we here at "If I Blog It They Will Come" hold in the utmost importance...and that is getting you to visit our blog and send us a photo of yourself doing so to djayek@yahoo.com. Oh yeah, and giving Mr. Brooks the highest opening weekend box office of any Kevin Costner film is a top priority too. Thanks for your time and consideration, Kevin. We look forward to hearing from you soon.

Sincerely,
The Folks at "If I Blog It They Will Come"

Costner Fans...Not Sophisticated Enough?

Dear Mr. Costner,

Following through on our pledge to make If I Blog It They Will Come "The Official Unofficial Home of Mr. Brooks", we thought it our duty to post for our fellow Costner fans an article in the LA Times about the upcomiing film. While the article was generally positive, we were offended by one of the interviewee's opinions of Kevin Costner fans. A theater owner from upstate New York was quoted as saying that she wasn't sure if the film would book well in theatres because she didn't think that your movies attracted a "sophiscticated crowd". We almost spilled our breakfast of Doritos and Dr. Pepper when we read that!

How dare she label Costner-philes as unsophisticated! To prove that theater booker wrong, we here at "If I Blog It They Will Come"will do everything we can to make the opening weekend for Mr. Brooks, the biggest opening weekend ever for a Kevin Costner film. In addition to our efforts here on the blog, we may just stand on street corners, wearing top-hats and monocles and hand out flyers in support of the movie (Printed on the finest resume paper we can find. It will also be recycled paper as this website has gone green). Those flyers would look even more sophisticated if we had an exclusive Kevin Costner photo to place in the header. Perhaps you can send us a photo of yourself looking at our blog to djayek@yahoo.com. Feel free to wear a top-hat and monocle if you feel it will help. We look forward to hearing from you soon.

Sincerely,
The Sophisticates at "If I Blog It They Will Come"

Special thanks to A. Morton

Kiss Me, I'm Kevin Costner

Dear Mr. Costner,

We here at "If I Blog It They Will Come" were not exactly sure of your cultural background, so we did some of the research on the Interweb and read that you are of both German and Irish descent. Now we don't know how you celebrate the German side of your ancestry (Lederhosen and Polka?), but we do know that this is the weekend to let your Irishness hang out. Now we don't exactly picture you as a green beer swilling roustabout, but we've been wrong before. With that in mind we would like to wish you a Happy St. Patrick's day (not to be confused with Jason Patric's Day). May you drink all the green beer you please and go to a parade celebrating Irish Pride with loads of other drunk Irish folk. Also, if there are any snakes nearby, feel free to drive them out. We hate snakes. Maybe after you're done with your saintly duties your judgement will be impaired enough to think that sending a photo of yourself looking at our blog to djayek@yahoo.com is a pretty good idea. However, we would hope that your judgement needn't be impaired to make such a decision. No matter what you do this weekend "If I Blog It They Will Come" and Anheuser-Busch urge you to "Please drink responsibly" and we'll see you next week.

Sincerely,
The Folks at "If I Blog It They Will Come"

P.S. We put together a little limerick for you.

There once was a man named Kevin
His films were a slice of heaven
He came from Lynwood
And boy he's done good
Look out for Mr. Brooks in '07