Just Call Us Jack Bauer

Dear Mr. Robin Williams,

Several days ago, we here at If I Blog It They Will Come were perusing the enjoyably well-written pages of RadarOnline when we stumbled across an article about your eagerness to be on the smash FOX network staple, 24. As faithful fans of the Jack Bauer power hour, our entire staff nearly broke into excited convulsions at the prospect of seeing our favorite actor/comedian interacting with one of our most beloved television characters. I mean there would be so much dramatic sexual tension between Kim Bauer and whomever you would play that it would be downright unbearable.

You Could Cut It With A Knife

The article went on to quote Kiefer Sutherland, who gave some insight as to who you might play saying you would be "...an innocent computer analyst who stumbles onto something cryptic he doesn't know he has and becomes a target. Jack Bauer, the government and the bad guys are all looking for this guy, who is scared to death and running for his life."

As an excellent actor, we're sure you can handle the "innocent computer analyst" bit and being in "scared to death and running for you life" mode; though given your current status touring with your standup act, you might need time to get into character. That's where we here at If I Blog It They Will Come would like to be of assistance.

You see Mr. Williams, we think it would be extremely beneficial to your character research were you to spend some of your spare time doing technical computer things...likes...say...taking a photo of yourself looking at our blog and sending it to us at djayek@yahoo.com. That way you'll really get a feel for your character's motivation, as you'll most likely be uploading satellite images to members of CTU. Just pretend we're Jack and you're sending us important files necessary for catching the bad guys. We can't prepare you for the subsequent torture you're going to undergo when Jack suspects you're hiding something from him. You're on your own on that one.

In any case, we hope you consider our offer and we look forward to seeing you on the small screen (unless we're watching in one of our rich celebrity friend's personal home theater) or in an image attached in our inbox. We thank you for your time and consideration and look forward to hearing from you soon.

Sincerely,
The Jack Bauer Power-Hour Fans and Connoisseurs of Talent at If I Blog It They Will Come

Robin Williams: An American Idol

Dear Mr. Robin Williams,

In our last installment we here at If I Blog It They Will Come posted in the hopes that we could get you to make a special appearance on this here blog for our milestone 162nd installment. Unfortunately, this is post #162 and we've got nothing. You've no doubt got a ton of ridiculous media requests on your plate with the huge news that you'll be one of the participants on the FOX Network's "Idol Gives Back" charity show alongside such talents as Billy Crystal, Celine Dion, Kiefer Sutherland, and Forest Whitaker airing on Wednesday April 9th.

While we're slightly disappointed that you chose "American Idol" as your next forum for a special guest appearance over our fair site, we here at If I Blog It They Will Come understand that the charitable nature of said event trumps our modest needs. We're confident that your participation in the show will help "Idol Gives Back 2008" top last year's charitable intake of $76 million. We fully support your endeavor and are more than happy to wait in the long line of those demanding your special guest services. Hopefully, taking a photo of yourself looking at our site and sending it to us at djayek@yahoo.com is only 3rd or 4th on your priority queue, but if it's a little further back, well then we guess that's just the way it is.

In any case, we thank you for your time and consideration on the matter and look forward to hearing from you soon.

Sincerely,
The Waiting In Line Patiently Folks at If I Blog It They Will Come

Mork and Morphing

Dear Mr. Robin Williams,

We've been perusing the internet a lot lately and as a result have stumbled upon a few simple truths in the process. The first and most obvious of truths is that plenty of people simply have too much time on their hands. This fact was most evident when we happened upon a site that aims to morph photos of two celebrities together. We were quite disturbed to find the above photo of you morphed with one Kiefer Sutherland. Now don't get us wrong, we love ourselves some Jack Bauer, we even link to a site dedicated to 24 in the right hand column, but we just don't understand why anyone would want anything other than a clean picture of their favorite celebrity over one with the nose mixed in with someone else's features and what not.

Mr. Williams, regardless of whether or not someone has wasted their time mixing your photo, with the equally debonair Kiefer Sutherland, we here at If I Blog It They Will Come still think it's rather telling that your visage shines through more than our favorite free-world saving Jack Bauer-portraying bad ass. In fact, it's the power behind that intense gaze that we're counting on to take our blog to another level, if you should one day feel compelled to send a photo of yourself looking at our blog to djayek@yahoo.com. And when that day finally comes and we have that photo of you looking at our blog, we promise not to morph it with the photo we already have of our old friend Kevin Costner looking at our blog or with someone like Carrie Fisher or Dr. Dre. That would just be utterly pointless and frankly we don't have the time or the technology. In any case, Mr. Williams, we thank you for your time and consideration and look forward to hearing you soon.

The Not Compelled to Morph Anything Folks at If I Blog It They Will Come

p.s. We'll get to those other simple truths some other time