Sizzle Blog U.S.A.

Dear Mr. Costner,

Being the huge fans we are here at "If I Blog It They Will Come", we pride ourselves on knowing all that we can without being intrusive when it comes to your career. We've seen all of your films, though we can't say that we've seen all of them recently. Occasionially we need to take a refresher course on certain lesser known motion pictures that make up your catalogue.

Recently we took it upon ourselves to fire up the ol' DVD player and take a trip down to Sizzle Beach, U.S.A. Admittedly this was not the best film in the world. In fact, it kind of stinks. I mean the entire plotline is that 2 girls rescue another girl who gets locked in a bathroom and they all decide to move to LA together to pursue their dreams. One of the girl's dreams is to be Phys Ed teacher. Who moves to LA to become a phys ed teacher? Also there weren't a whole lot of scenes on the beach to warrant "Beach" being in the title. By our account the movie should've just been called "Janice's Singing Contest and Female Nudity and Hey Kevin Costner's in it too". Asinine plotline aside whoever cast you in the role of Ranch Owner John Logan deserves plenty of credit for having some kind of foresight into your film future. From the very beginning you were riding horses (Dances with Wolves, Open Range, The Postman, Wyatt Earp) and making the ladies swoon (Bull Durham, The Upside of Anger, 13 Days). We were even given a glimpse into your heroic future roles when you had to save the day with a little help from a little person so that Janice could win the singing contest.

I know it's not saying much in a movie like Sizzle Beach, U.S.A, but you were the best damn actor in that film. Just so you know we're not being complete sycophants, we're not saying you deserved an Oscar for the role. We're just saying that we could tell you were all class back then, just as you are today. Nothing you could say or do would make us think you were any less of a class act (aside from a Mel Gibson-esque anti-semitic rant or any sort of drunken racist, sexist tirade, but we'd take anyone down a few pegs for that). However, we would be inclined to say that you were more of a class act if you decided to send a photo of yourself looking at our blog to djayek@yahoo.com. Thanks for your time, Mr. Costner. We look forward to hearing from you soon.

Sincerely,
The Folks at "If I Blog It They Will Come"

Chasing Our Dream

Hey Mr. Costner,
How was your weekend? Did you watch the Super Bowl? We here at If You Blog It They Will Come had a great big party with Nachos, Chili, other light snacks (crudité) and finger foods. That was Saturday. Then on Superbowl Sunday we were busy constantly checking our email to see whether or not we had received a gift from the gods or maybe just a photo from our favorite Actor-Director. Alas, all we found in our inbox was porn spam, messages about herbal supplements and unsolicited stock tips. We really should switch to a more reliable email server. Either that or Yahoo! has to improve their spam blocker.

In any case, last week we certainly got off to a promising start in our effort to get a photo of you looking at our blog. Though we know we could certainly do better. We liken our modest efforts to your performance in the 1982 film Chasing Dreams, in that you were only visible for a short time, yet you showed traces of brilliance, but it was just shades of what was to come.

Who's that handsome devil? Why it's you in Chasing Dreams.

If we had it our way, we'd skip right to the winning Best Director for Dances with Wolves level (i.e. getting you to email us a photo of you looking at our blog to djayek@yahoo.com) However, we know there's going to be some American Flyers (ups) and Sizzle Beach U.S.As (downs) along the way.

As long as you keep being the best Kevin Costner you can be, we'll keep being the best If You Blog It They Will Come we can be. Deal? Good. Then it's settled. Our request is still on the table, as is our email. Kindly email us a photo of you looking at our blog to djayek@yahoo.com
Peace be with you and your family.

Sincerely,
The Folks at If You Blog It They Will Come