The If I Blog It Joke Joint

Dear Mr. Robin Williams,

We here were delighted to see you kick off your much anticipated "Weapons of Self-Destruction" tour this weekend at the Palace Theater in Columbus, OH . While we are certainly excited about the fact that you'll be performing in large theaters before sellout crowds, we here at If I Blog It They Will Come prefer the small-time comedy venues with names like "Chuckles" and "The Laugh Hole. There's something ever so pure about performing in such cleverly named joke joints before unsuspecting crowds that really gets our juices flowing.

We here at If I Blog It They Will Come have a lot in common with the Comedy Castles and Laff Lounges of the world. We like to think of this little site as our own small venue for comedy on the web. The only difference is, we don't see that many visitors throughout the course of the day and we don't have a two drink minimum. Plus, we're tough on hecklers.

It's our hope that throughout this tour you take a few moments to remember the little people who attend these holes in the wall, the working men and women who are facing economic hardship that may not be able to afford such high priced affairs at the Borgata and the Landmark Theater in Richmond, Virginia. We're not suggesting that on all your nights off you stop into one and entertain the proletariat...maybe just a few nights. And maybe just maybe on one of those nights you'll choose to entertain the unsuspecting few who choose to frequent our humble yet hilarious venue on a daily basis. You don't even have to dream up new material or even physically be anywhere. All you have to do is take a photo of yourself looking at our blog and send it to djayek@yahoo.com. If you want to include something else off the cuff you're more than welcome too as we know how often Robin Williams and spontaneous hilarity go hand in hand.

In any case, we thank you for your time and consideration and look forward to you stopping by sometime soon.

Sincerely,
The Funny Bonez at If I Blog It They Will Come

Belated Columbus Day Wishes

Dear Mr. Williams,

We would like to send our warmest belated Columbus Day wishes. Had you been Canadian we would've sent our warmest belated Thanksgiving sentiments. We hope you celebrated the "discovery" of this great land of ours in style. We here at "If I Blog It They Will Come"took a moment to pause and reflect on the meaning of all that Mr. Columbus has done. After all, had he never sailed across the ocean blue in 1492 and happened upon this great land of ours, he also may have never directed such films as Bicentennial Man, Mrs. Doubtfire, even Home Alone. More importantly, this land of ours may have never become the bastion of freedom and liberty it has become today.

And if our country never developed into said bastion, you may have never had the opportunity to so impressively portray a character like Vladimir Ivanoff from the 1984 film, Moscow on the Hudson; A man who defected to this great land mass we call the United States of America (in Bloomingdales no less) searching for freedom and the opportunity to make something out of his life away from the watchful eye of Soviet authorities. Imagine if the Commies had found that land before ol' C-squared. We'd all be waiting on long lines for chickens, rolls of toilet paper, or shoes. Vladimir would never have had the opportunity to be in a bathtub with an American Flag curtain, naked with the lovely Maria Conchita Alonso, eating Chinese food on Christmas eve or had the chance to play with his idol Wild Bill Hawthorne at a Jazz club(so what if he got smoked). That sort of thing just didn't fly in a Soviet regime.

Finally, if it weren't for Cristobal Colombo we probably never would've had the audacity begin this here website and " explore" the possibility that one day we could get the Robin Williams to send a photo of himself looking at our blog. So Mr. Williams, won't you be our "comrade" and e-mail us a photo to djayek@yahoo.com. Another day without your presence on our site is another day this blog is as cold as Siberia. Thank you for your time and consideration. We look forward to hearing from you soon.

Sincerely,
Free To Be You and We Here at "If I Blog It They Will Come"

special thanks to A. Morton