Reality . . . What a Concept!

Dear Mr. Robin WIlliams,

The other day while lounging by the pool, enjoying our first vacation in what seemed like light years , we here at If I Blog It They Will Come sat listening to your 1979 debut comedy album Reality, What A Concept (which by the way makes for dynamite poolside entertertainment), and one thing, aside from the hilarious, frenetically paced routines really struck us...the title.

Now, we here at If I Blog it They Will Come aren't the biggest boosters of the reality TV craze. Don't get us wrong, we think it's important that "Super Nannies" can teach people how to be better parents, aging rock stars find love, and people can learn to be metrosexuals in 30 minutes flat, but it's really not the kind of content we yearn for.

With all of the crap reality shows on today, we decided the format could use a credibility boost...and what better way to boost reality TV's credibility than by creating a Robin Williams reality show?

Before you shun our idea, let us explain. We don't think the show should follow your every move and track your family life. You certainly deserve all of the privacy you can get. However, we think it would be great if the show was about helping aspiring comedians learn the nuances of stand-up performance and making the world become a funnier place. If that doesn't work you can always make it like P. Diddy's "Making the Band" by gathering the funniest young comedians and forcing them to all live in a house together with the intention of getting them to write and record a group comedy album together under the name Funnee Bonez. Each time you take a listen to their material and it's nowhere even close to the as funny as either the your aforementioned debut or A Night At The Met albums, you can berate them and assure them that you're just about ready to give up on the Funnee Bonez experiment and then introduce them to their new dance choreographer who will in turn, teach them the right moves for being a successful comedy team.

So what do you think, RW. Is it a go? If you're interested send us an email at djayek@yahoo.com. Even if you're not interested feel free to send us an email but make sure to send a photo of yourself looknig at our blog as an attachment.. Thanks for your time and consideration on the matter...

Sincerely,
The Reality Concept pitching folks at If I Blog It They Will Come

Robin Williams' Superhero Powers

Dear Mr. Robin Williams,

We here at If I Blog It They Will Come have been acutely aware of your supernatural abilities for quite some time now. Your comic timing is a well known commodity, your improvisational
command is downright legendary, and your ability to inspire and endear through dramatic circumstances is pretty much common knowledge While those talents are enough to make you a superhero in our book, there was one strength of yours that we had yet to be apprised of.

Thanks to an article in the Clovis journal, we learned of your awesome talent for saving someone's life via a character you portrayed in a film without actually having to physically save the life yourself. It's sort of like when Patrick Swayze in Ghost jumped into Oda Mae Brown or something one of the X-Men would do, but instead of you actually having to jump into the bodies, your past characters do. In the particular instance in question, Euphegenia Doubtfire leapt into the body of an 11 year old New Mexico boy who saw his mom choking on cereal and Heimliched it out of her just as she did to Pierce Brosnan in the 1993 film bearing her name.

We here at If I Blog It They Will Come could use a little bit of that Mrs. Doubtfire magic. This post is our version of the "I'm choking" signal on the heimlich maneuver posters you see on restaurant walls. Only, we don't have time for you to ask "Are you choking?", we need you to give us a metaphorical heimlich maneuver so that our blog lives may be saved and we can quit making lame metaphors like this one to get your attention. By simply sending us a photo of yourself looking at our blog to djayek@yahoo.com we can remove that piece of cereal caught in our windpipe and go on to live a happy, normal blogging life. So what do you say? We say thanks for your time and consideration and we look forward to hearing from you soon.

The Seriously Our Face Is Turning Purple Folks at If I Blog It They Will Come

Funniest Man Alive

Dear Mr. Robin Williams,

The other day we here at If I Blog It They Will Come were in a matter of fact conversation with a fellow RW fan about just how funny your entire body of comedic work is, when we suddenly remembered that Entertainment Weekly had chosen you as their "Funniest Man Alive" in 1997. Now, we know that Entertainment Weekly isn't the end all be all of comedic opinion, but they seem to be quite fond of rankings (100 Most Powerful People in Show Business, 100 Greatest Movies of All Time, etc.). EW tends to run these rankings on an annual basis, continually revising their opinions to seemingly reflect whichever way the pop-culture winds are blowing.

With that kind of short attention span, one would assume that EW's "Funniest Man Alive" designation would be on par with People's Sexiest Man Alive or Most Beautiful People issues -- we figured they would just keep doing it every year and bestow the honor on the likes of such gifted comic minds as Will Ferrell, Paul Rudd, and Seth Rogen. However, this is not the case. We did a little interweb search and found that Entertainment Weekly has not named a new "Funniest Man Alive" since giving you the nod in 1997. What assumption can we draw from this? Only that EW has made legitimate what the rest of the world already knows in its collective heart; that Robin Williams is the Funniest Man Alive in perpetuity -- this year, and every year.

We salute EW on their obvious good taste, and we would like point out to you, Mr. Williams, that If I Blog It's list of funniest men alive also only runs to one (it's you). We would like to underline this fact by having you send us a photo of yourself to djayek@yahoo.com, and designating you as such officially when we run the photo. If you would like to do something funny in the photo itself, please feel free -- but you don't have to if you don't want to. We look forward to hearing from you.

The Only Know How to Count to One Folks At If I Blog It They Will Come

Doing Just Fine

Dear Mr. Robin Williams,

As you may or may not have noticed, at some point last week we here at If I Blog It They Will Come began to feature a glowy new banner for the site doingfine.org in our upper right hand corner. Now before you start calling us sellouts for accepting advertising on our site, we have to defend our decision to place the button featuring our advertiser's web address.

We here at If I Blog It They Will Come are by no means opposed to corporate America, nor do we worship at their altar. However, we are cautious of the companies we plug on our site. Before placing a banner or button we do extensive research as to whether or not the company we plug has the best interests of our readers and our site at heart. While we've had to turn down ads for children's sweatshop employment and ambulance chasing lawyers, we stand behind doingfine.org, a site that is dedicated to people sharing their stories about things that worked out or are "doing just fine", putting a positive spin on the usually complaint-filled nature of web forums.

We think it's pretty obvious why they chose us as a model site where they could advertise. To state it plainly, our site is "doing just fine". We may not have achieved our latest goal of getting a photo of you visiting our just blog yet, but as long as we continue to chug along happily by writing about our favorite actor/comedian each day, we'll be "doing just fine". While it's true that we'd be doing a helluva lot finer if we found a photo of you looking at our blog in our inbox at djayek@yahoo.com, we'll continue to "do just fine" as a blog regardless, by maintaining a positive outlook and following through with our quest until you see fit to make our dreams a reality.

Thank you for your time and consideration on the matter, Mr. Williams. We look forward to hearing from you soon and we hope you are "doing just fine" as well.

Sincerely,
The Could Be Doing A Helluva Lot Finer Folks at If I Blog It They Will Come

Time On Our Hands

Dear Mr. Robin Williams,

This morning we here at If I Blog It They Will Come awoke fully expecting it to be March 1st, but when we went over to turn the page on our trusty Tractor-themed calendar, we were greeted with an additional day in the month of February. We were completely ecstatic, but weren't exactly sure what to do with ourselves. It was if the hands of time had been frozen to give us a free day, sort of like that extra hour you get during daylight savings time that you use to catch some extra z's.

In any case, we couldn't in good conscience waste the day sleeping. After our morning cup of Joe we decided to make a list of things we could do now that we had some extra time on our hands. Unfortunately, our brainstorming session turned up precious few activities along the lines of sleeping, eating, making lists and blogging. It was then we thought about what a relief it must be for someone as busy as yourself to get an extra day to get things done. We imagined you could use the extra time for such worthwhile pursuits as taking a leisurely bicycle ride around town, writing new stand-up material, reading through scripts, and maybe even catching up on some emails. You might even spend some time surfing the world wide web and googling yourself, which hopefully would lead you to checking out this here site.

If that just so happens to be the case, we'd say since you've got all of this extra time on your hands, maybe you'll find it time consuming (in an enjoyable way) to take a photo of yourself looking at our blog so that you might send it to us at djayek@yahoo.com. You know, since you've got nothing better to do today other than the aforementioned tasks and you're here already. Why not kill two birds with one stone? Or one blog with one photo for that matter? Well, whatever you decide to do with your extra time, we'll be here wasting away our extra day. We hope you have a great February 29th, it only comes once every four years, so enjoy it. We know we will. Thanks for your time and consideration. We look forward to hearing from you soon.

Sincerely,
The Extra-Time Having Folks at If I Blog It They Will Come

Mork and Morphing

Dear Mr. Robin Williams,

We've been perusing the internet a lot lately and as a result have stumbled upon a few simple truths in the process. The first and most obvious of truths is that plenty of people simply have too much time on their hands. This fact was most evident when we happened upon a site that aims to morph photos of two celebrities together. We were quite disturbed to find the above photo of you morphed with one Kiefer Sutherland. Now don't get us wrong, we love ourselves some Jack Bauer, we even link to a site dedicated to 24 in the right hand column, but we just don't understand why anyone would want anything other than a clean picture of their favorite celebrity over one with the nose mixed in with someone else's features and what not.

Mr. Williams, regardless of whether or not someone has wasted their time mixing your photo, with the equally debonair Kiefer Sutherland, we here at If I Blog It They Will Come still think it's rather telling that your visage shines through more than our favorite free-world saving Jack Bauer-portraying bad ass. In fact, it's the power behind that intense gaze that we're counting on to take our blog to another level, if you should one day feel compelled to send a photo of yourself looking at our blog to djayek@yahoo.com. And when that day finally comes and we have that photo of you looking at our blog, we promise not to morph it with the photo we already have of our old friend Kevin Costner looking at our blog or with someone like Carrie Fisher or Dr. Dre. That would just be utterly pointless and frankly we don't have the time or the technology. In any case, Mr. Williams, we thank you for your time and consideration and look forward to hearing you soon.

The Not Compelled to Morph Anything Folks at If I Blog It They Will Come

p.s. We'll get to those other simple truths some other time

The If I Blog It Sustainable Growth Initiative

Dear Mr. Robin Williams,

We recently happened upon this article in Bizbash Toronto mentioning your involvement in the upcoming star-studded event for the William J. Clinton foundation. Now, we're never surprised to hear your name mentioned in association with an event that's labeled "star- studded", the fact of the matter is, it's not star studded unless Robin Williams is involved. We wish we could attend the Eugene Levy hosted event, if only to see the two of you re-enact some of our favorite scenes from the 1986 film Club Paradise. Just think, if Twiggy, Peter O'Toole, Jimmy Cliff, and Rick Moranis were there you might be able to re-enact the entire film.

However, we are certainly more than aware that this shindig isn't for the sole purpose of re-enacting Club Paradise as evidenced by the $25,000 to $300,00 per table price tag. Money like that doesn't simply get thrown around for quality comedy these days. The gala is actually a benefit for the Clinton-Giustra Sustainable Growth Initiative aimed at alleviating poverty in the developing world through partnerships with the mining community, and as poverty has certainly been a staple of your public awareness campaign over the years with your involvement in Comic Relief, it certainly makes sense that you would be attending such an event for such a worthy cause.

We here at If I Blog It They Will Come have implemented our own "Sustainable Growth Initiative" that, like President Clinton's, would most definitely benefit from your participation. Our initiative doesn't ask for $25,000 a table or even $1 a plate. It is our hope that by merely receiving a photo of you, Robin Williams, looking at our blog in our site's inbox at djayek@yahoo.com, we will achieve sustainable growth as a blog, while also maintaining and boosting your profile as one of the more likable celebrities in the world. We think that's sustainable growth initiative everyone can get behind. What do you think?

Thank you for your time and consideration , Mr. Williams. We look forward to hearing your opinion on our initiative soon.

Sincerely,
The Thinking Global, Acting Local Folks at If I Blog It They Will Come