Makin' Whoopee With Affleck and Kimmel

Dear Mr. Robin Williams,

You may or may not recall yesterday's post in which we hinted at a longing for another musical performance similar to your rendition of "Blame Canada" for the 2000 Oscars telecast. In our post, we even suggested that they should have let you sing "Raise It Up" the Oscar-nominated song from August Rush instead of those wonderfully talented kids. While we may have gone a little overboard in our longing for more Robin Williams related musical magic moments, our wish for the gift of song was instantly fulfilled. You see, moments after yesterday's post went up we were alerted to the existence of a clip from the Jimmy Kimmel Show about making whoopee with Ben Affleck in response to his girlfriend, Sarah Silverman's making whoopee with Matt Damon song. Now we've never been fans of single entendre, so when we sat back to take in this moment of musical hilarity spurred on by your fellow Oscar winners for the 1998 film Good Will Hunting (Take that Corliss!!!), everything was seemingly status quo. However it all changed at about 3:23 mark when the comedic tour de force was taken to another level of funny by the presence of our favorite Actor/Comedian, none other than you, Mr. Robin Williams. Mr. Williams, seeing you engaged in an epic "We Are The World" parody with fellow luminaries such as Don Cheadle, Cameron Diaz, Huey Lewis, Lance Bass and Josh Groban about Jimmy Kimmel being "romantically linked" with your Good Will Hunting co-star, made us roll on the floor laughing, or as the kids like to say ROFL.



This is a musical gift that is certain to keep on giving, and while we're glad to have received a gift of this magnitude, we want to make clear that gifts aren't to be confused with the main goal we are aiming to achieve with this here site, which is to get you to send a photo of yourself looking at our blog to djayek@yahoo.com. We know it may seem like a tall order, but hey, it's not like we're asking you to consummate the relationship...and for that we can all be thankful. Keep up the good work, RW. Thank you for your time and we look forward to hearing from you soon, but not to feeling your naked, warm, hairy embrace.

Sincerely,
The Folks Who Just Want A Photo at "If I Blog It They Will Come"

80th Academy Awards Post Mortem

Dear Mr. Robin Williams,

This is not the traditional Oscar Post mortem. Our goal here at If I Blog It They Will Come isn't to evaluate whether the awards went to the right people. We prefer to leave that task to Richard Corliss of Time Magazine ten years from now. However, we will judge from our five plus hours of gazing at the glowy object at the front of our living room, if our favorite actor/comedian was given ample recognition for his past contributions to Oscar. While we didn't see you, Mr. Williams, in the audience at the 80th annual awards ceremony, we were delighted at your presence in two of the Oscar-themed montages. Most notable of the montages was that of Best Supporting Actor winners in which your 1998 acceptance speech for your performance in Good Will Hunting was played out longer than most. Obviously someone thought your win was of enough significance to warrant a rebroadcast. Take that Corliss!

Despite, our extreme disappointment in not seeing you as a presenter, we were really hoping that you might be asked to perform the nominated song from August Rush. Don't get us wrong, we think those kids did a phenomenal job with that performance, but we have such fond memories of your performance of "Blame Canada" at the 2000 Academy Awards that we think an RW version of "Raise It Up" would've either "raised the roof" or "brought the house down" (whichever is preferable nowadays).

In any case, we were glad to at least see some RW contribution to this year's Oscar ceremony. Academy awards viewers were lucky to have that dose of humor and humanity injected into their evening. We'd be verylucky if you were to bring that same dose of humor and humanity to this here blog if you one day felt compelled to contribute to our website by sending a photo of yourself looking at our blog to djayek@yahoo.com. You'd light up our lives the same way you lit up that mostly dull segment about the folks at Price Waterhouse Coopers who tabulate the Oscar ballots. Thanks for your time and consideration. We look forward to hearing from you soon.

Sincerely,
The Folks In Need of A Dose of Humor and Humanity at If I Blog It They Will Come

p.s. for our readers viewing pleasure...Robin Williams at the 2000 Oscars performing "Blame Canada" from South Park: Bigger, Longer, and Uncut

ReOscar Worthy

Dear Mr. Robin Williams,

As you are no doubt aware, this Sunday evening the majority of the nation will be wrapped up in yet another Oscar ceremony. While we are no doubt disappointed that your turn as Wizard in August Rush did not earn you another nomination, we are still quite caught up in the fanfare of it all. As a result, we here at If I Blog It They Will Come have been reading all of the Oscars articles we can just so that we are well versed for the event.

One of the more shocking articles we read came from Time Magazine's Richard Corliss. In this week's Time Magazine, Mr. Corliss apparently had so much "Time" on his hands that he took it upon himself to redo the Oscars for 1998. The most distressing part of his re-examination of the events of ten years ago is that he stripped you, Mr. Robin Williams of your Best Supporting Actor win for Good WIll Hunting in favor of Burt Reynolds.

Now, we're all for taking a stroll down memory lane, we do it all the time, but the fact remains, there's no do overs as far as Oscar is concerned, especially when it's done with such flimsy reasoning as Corliss implies here by saying "every once in a while an Oscar goes to a comedian playing a serious role. That's the only explanation for Williams' win here," and with that a great performance is unjustly smeared. Mr. Corliss, the 1998 Oscar pool ended a long time ago and you obviously lost. How about giving a little credit where credit is due. I haven't seen Mr. Corliss so skillfully stalk a stage and keep people in stitches on such a consistent basis, nor have I seen him reach through the screen and tear an audience's heart to pieces.

Meanwhile Corliss' reasoning for his re-awarding the oscar to Reynolds is equally as paper-thin, stating "...Reynolds deserves an award for his enduring popular appeal. Sometimes the Oscars should be the Golden Globes." Really, we thought the Oscars were for honoring acting, not a popularity contest...though we did honestly like Reynolds as Jack Horner in Boogie Nights and think that he may have delivered one of the greatest lines in movie history in Woody Allen's 1972 film Everything You Always Wanted To Know About Sex * But Were Afraid To Ask.

In closing, we would like to state unequivocally that whether or not you ever decide to send us a photo of yourself looking at our blog to djayek@yahoo.com and despite our penchant for believing everything that we read, we would never so mindlessly agree with Corliss's perception, nor would we ever dream of revoking your Best Supporting Actorship.
Thank you for your time and consideration. We look forward to hearing from you soon.

Sincerely,
The Best Supporting Folks at If I Blog It They Will Come

Dead Prequel Society?

Dear Mr. Robin Williams,

Several days ago, we received in our Netflix queue a DVD copy of your 1986 made for TV film entitled Seize The Day. Upon first glance at the title, we thought it was the foreign pressing of the landmark, 1989 film Dead Poets Society, which makes notable use of both the phrase "Seize the Day" and it's latin counterpart "Carpe Diem". We were also wrapped up in the possibility that the film would be an inspiring prequel to the aforementioned film, detailing the meteoric rise of John Keating as a professor of the English language.

However, when we finally took it upon ourselves we were surprised to find that the movie we were watching was neither a prequel, nor did inspire us to great heights. Frankly, your stirring portrayal of the downtrodden Tommy Willhelm (neé Wilkie Adler) broke our hearts. After quitting his job and being turned away at every corner by old "friends", we not only felt sorry for poor Tommy, we actually identified with him. You see, we here at If I Blog It They Will Come used to be the most successful at the top of our celebrity lauding game, just as Tommy used to be a top salesman. We had all of the friends in the world, Defamer, PopCandy, Entertainment Weekly's Popwatch blog. Now those folks won't even give us the time of day, like when that heartless bastard Ziegler avoided Tommy for an entire afternoon.

We haven't yet ventured into the commodities market to take our chances with Jerry Stiller only to have him take the money and run yet, but frankly, we don't have that kind of access to Jerry Stiller and after the failure of the Bro/Mansir, we're not exactly sure we'd give that guy one red cent, much less hangout with him at a Turkish bath.

Despite the fact that we felt utterly depressed after finishing Seize The Day, we realized something...if you want to be successful in this world you have to rely and one person and one person only...and that's yourself. While we like having all of the helpful friends in the world, the only reason we were successful in the past is because we had the cojones to do something that no one else had done and be persistent in doing it. Maybe just maybe we did take something from the cautionary tale of Tommy Wilhelm... and with that sir, we vow to be persistent, though not annoying in asking you to visit our blog and take a picture of yourself doing so, so that you may send it to us at djayek@yahoo.com. Thank you for your time and consideration, as well as teaching us a valuable lesson.

Sincerely,
The Folks Who Say "Carpe Diem!" and mean it at If I Blog, It They Will Come

Our Funny Valentine

Dear Mr. Robin Williams,

We here at "If I Blog It They Will Come" would like to wish you a Happy Valentine's Day.
Consider this post our funny valentine...our sweet comic Valentine to you, because well...you make us smile with our heart, but in a non-gay way (not that there's anything wrong with that). You seem entirely too affable and for that matter, photograph-able...that if you were to send us a photo of yourself looking at our blog to djayek@yahoo.com it would be our new favorite work of art. You don't have to change your hair for us, just say you care for us. All we're asking for is for you to return our valentine's day sentiments ("Stay funny valentine , Stay"). For each day we have to go without of a picture of your looking at our blog is like a Valentines day with unrequited sentiment and a newly broken heart. It is our hope that one day, maybe today you'll see fit return our heartfelt sentiment and be our funny (not gay) Valentine and send us a photo of yourself looking at our blog.

Thank you for your time and consideration. We look forward to hearing from you soon...and seriously, Happy Valentine's Day.

Sincerely,
The Lovable Folks at "If I Blog It They Will Come"

Charitable Donation

Dear Mr. Robin Williams,

As you may or may not recall, over this past holiday season we here at "If I Blog It They Will Come" took on another mission in addition to our usual quest of trying to get you to visit our blog and send us a photo of yourself looking at our humble site to djayek@yahoo.com. We aimed to prove that we were not just in this for the fortune and glory by starting a charity drive to raise money for a worthy cause, a cause that we know you take great pride in supporting, the cause of helping the young children in need at the St. Jude's Children's Research Hospital.

Unfortunately, our efforts didn't garner us as much attention as we believed might come our way We only managed to garner $23.03. Now we know that it's not very much, but it's all that we could muster from the amount of clicks on our site which has decreased exponentially since the period of our greatest success in September. Even though our number was lower than expected we held true to our word and just yesterday we followed through with our promise to donate to the St. Jude Children's Research Hospital to the tune of $30. We know it's not much, but it's the best we could do in this period of economic recession. We only hope that our meager gift when combined with other more tenable donations is enough to give at least one kid a fighting chance. It's our hope that a little goes a long way.

And in that spirit and with the spirit of charity still fresh in the air, we hope you might feel the need to lend us a helping hand as you have done for so many others; not with the generous gift of money or appearance in a public service announcement, or even with your sterling sense of humor but by merely sending a photo of yourself looking at our blog to djayek@yahoo.com.

Thank you for your time and consideration and inspiration to do good things, Mr. Williams. We hope to someday soon count you as a valuable member of our audience for this well meaning and sometimes overly silly site.

Sincerely,
The Charitable Folks at "If I Blog It They Will Come"

Write, Camera, Action!

According to recent reports, it seems as though the Writers Guild of America strike is almost set to come to it's much anticipated conclusion; and not a moment too soon as we were worried that desperate studios would resort to ideas like remaking the 1996 film Kazaam with the exact same script, but with Flavor Flav as the rapping genie, or something. Thankfully the writers and studios are ready to put their differences behind them and get to work banging out quality scripts for moviegoers everywhere.

While the guild was busy ironing out the details with the folks who sign their checks, we were busy dreaming up new film ideas so that once this labor melee was resolved there'd be plenty of material to put quickly into production. Naturally, all of our ideas were envisioned with you, our favorite comedic actor, Robin Williams, in mind. So without further ado, here are a few suggestions for films that we here at "If I Blog It They Will Come" think should be rushed into production as soon as the t's are crossed and the lower case j's are dotted:

MR. Doubtfire: Daniel is now as successful actor, but when his cousin's kids needs some straightening out he takes the job as their "manny" MR. Doubtfire. In this one you can wear a kilt and play the bagpipes while you clean the house.

Good Morning Vietnam 2: Good Morning Desert Storm: Adrian Cronauer returns to the airwaves to serve up more laughs during America's first, more-fun-because-we-won-it

-quick, Iraqi excursion.

Digital Photo (sequel to 1 Hour Photo): Sy Parrish the psychotic film developer is back, this time taking much less time with his attempted murders and using Photoshop for creepy collages.

Alive Poets Society- Mr. Keating is stranded in the Andes Mountains with a cannibalistic Uruguayan Rugby team. He teaches them the value of letting out a barbaric yawp!

The If I Blog It They Will Come Story- A film about a team of bloggers who attempt to get a celebrity named "Robin Williams" who they have great admiration for to visit their blog. They go through plenty of trials and tribulations. There are moments of doubt, baby mama drama, drunken bar brawls...Robin Williams will play himself in the film but it's a very crucial scene in which he takes a photo of himself looking at the blog and sends it to the blog email at djayek@yahoo.com. We think it has an Oscar for best supporting actor written all over it. However, the only way it can be based on a true story is if you, the actual Robin Williams, send a photo of yourself looking at the blog (this blog) to djayek@yahoo.com.

Well, those are just a few of the great film ideas we came up with over the strike. We've got plenty more where that came from, but we don't want to overdo it. Thanks for your time and consideration on the matter. We look forward to hearing from you soon.

Sincerely,
The Potential Producers at "If I Blog It They Will Come"


Special Thanks to Andrew Morton